Why Pride Can Feel Complicated for Queer Immigrants – and How Therapy Can Help
It’s no secret that Pride can be difficult for some, and this rings especially true for queer immigrants and international students.
Statistics show that queer immigrants and refugees living in the US have an increased risk of mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidality, and alcohol and substance misuse issues, and resources for supporting queer people are being cut by the current administration.
But, why is Pride difficult when it is supposed to be a celebration? As a therapist who specialises in working with immigrant clients, here is what I see in my sessions.
Parades Aren’t Always Positive
For many queer immigrants and international students, Pride parades or marches don’t automatically signal joy or festivity. In some cases, such as in China, parades are often associated with political dissent, social unrest, or illegal activity.
These political histories and our personal cultural conditioning are deeply rooted in our understanding of safety. For those that are often discriminated against, participating in a march or parade can feel triggering rather than liberating.
You Need Mental Space to Take Up Physical Space
“I don’t have enough bandwidth for Pride or my orientation” is something I hear often from my clients.
As a first-generation immigrant, I can relate to this to a certain degree. When you move countries, there is an overwhelming amount of ‘stuff’ to worry about that your identity can take a back seat. Between securing a job, managing your visa application, navigating a new culture, finding friends, and becoming financially independent, it can feel too tiresome to also think about who you are. For queer immigrants, everything else takes up your time and energy.
Visibility is a Risk
From undocumented immigrants, to those whose LGBTQ rights are criminalised in their home countries, visibility is more of a risk than a right to celebrate. Survival takes precedence over ‘coming out’ for both legal and relational reasons, as attending a Pride parade may impact their immigration status or lead to consequences when they visit family. Even travellers are avoiding the US for these reasons. Staying hidden, although soul-crushing, might be the only safe option.
Family Can Be Hard to Find
When you are cautious of being ‘out’, are learning a new language, or are adjusting to a new culture, finding your ‘chosen’ family can feel challenging. Especially if you have a difficult or distant relationship with your actual family members, the glossy narrative of finding a ‘chosen’ family can feel intimidating and idealized for queer immigrants during Pride month.
So, as Pride month is coming to a close, how can therapy help those who are struggling?
Therapy Can Help You… Redefine Pride in Your Own Terms
In therapy, I help clients reconnect with their own definition of pride. I see it as a collaborative journey to explore where you come from, what you’ve lived through, and what feels nourishing now. My work is rooted in Relational Cultural Theory (RCT), which centers the idea that we are relational beings and grow through connection. We explore how systemic oppression, early relationships, and cultural messages have shaped your sense of self — and how you want to reshape that story now.
I also draw from feminist therapy to name and challenge the power dynamics at play — whether that’s the pressure to “be visible,” assumptions about queerness, or the weight of navigating multiple marginalized identities. Therapy can be a place to reclaim that fluidity and breathe more fully into who you are.
2. Therapy Can Help You… Honor Private Processing
Therapy can also give you a private, safe place to talk and connect. Publicly waving a flag may not be an option, but therapy can provide a quiet meeting point where you can process your feelings, ask questions, and build confidence in yourself.
I work from an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) lens, which means we look beneath the surface — at the emotions, longings, and fears that often don’t get much room in day-to-day life.
Sometimes what looks like avoidance is actually a deep instinct to keep yourself safe; and staying hidden is the only way you’ve known how to stay intact. Therapy can help you make sense of those responses with more compassion. We’ll hold space for the parts of you that have had to be quiet, uncertain, or guarded — and begin to gently listen to what they might want or need now. Over time, this work can help you feel more internally connected, more trusting of your own signals, and more able to move at a pace that honors all of you.
3. Therapy Can Help You… Give Yourself Time and Space
When you’re adjusting to a new country, it’s easy to go into survival mode which puts distance between us and our authentic selves. In therapy, we create space to reconnect.
Through a relational and trauma-informed lens, I support clients in stepping out of that constant state of urgency and tuning back into what they feel, need, and want. I draw from both RCT and EFT to help you better understand how past relationships show up in your current life, especially those shaped by cultural expectations or attachment wounds. We’ll look at how to shift from self-protection to self-connection, so you can feel more grounded in who you are and how you relate to others.
Next Steps
As we are approaching the end of Pride month, I understand many clients may be feeling the need for extra support. If you resonate with this post, you can organize a free 15-minute consultation call to see if we are a good fit. I am currently accepting new clients for virtual therapy sessions between 12-5pm across the state of Maryland.
You can also fill out the form below to start your therapy journey today. I am excited to hear from and work with you.
